Improve ur Communication skills !!

Good Communication is all about how good you are at listening , writing and speaking.It has nothing to do with ur high flowing english words, nor is it about speaking mindlessly.If you can express what you wanna say and if you are patient enough to hear what someone is saying then half the battle is won! But there is always a scope for improvement.If ur good ,try to better urself , and probably try to be the best communicator in ur vicinity!!!!

Good communication skill is always an asset to any individual , be it a student, teacher , employee , employer, father, son, mother, daughter , doctor , counsellor , patient …

You can get ur things done through effective communication !!! Unless and until you communicate you cant break ice in many cases! Many issues and disputes can be resolved through communication. If ur working under someone you can impress your boss and get your hike / perks with effective communication (and work also :-)) .And if ur the boss, you can get your things done exactly the way you want ! And if ur searching for ur life partner or a flirty date just use ur skills to convince !!

I have gathered series of articles on effective communcation with a special focus on English langauge !Il keep adding stuff to the blog.In the process il try to improve my skills (Yup too selfish!!!)

Writing and Organizing a Winning Speech (Public Speaking)

How do I organize my talk?
There are two basic outlines that work well for the beginning speaker.

1. The Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) format.
   AA members use this when they stand up and "qualify" their experiences:
   This is where I was.
   This is where I am now.
   This is how I got here.
   
2. This simple outline can help you tell the audience who you are and why you are qualified to speak on the topic you've chosen. A friend of mine had been asked to present a 25-minute speech for the local Board of Realtors because of her great success in real estate. I suggested she use the AA outline and open like this: "Twelve years ago, when I went into the real estate business, I had never sold anything but Girl Scout cookies and hadn't done well with that." (This is where I was.) "Last year, I sold $15 million of real estate in a slow market, selling homes that averaged $150,000 each." (This is where I am now.) "Today, I'll tell you how I did that." (This is how I got here.)
   
3. The Q & A format.List the questions your prospects, clients, and friends ask you most often about your business. Then open your talk with, "The five questions I am most frequently asked about investments (or engineering or whatever your field is) are..." Pose the first question to the audience, and answer it for them in a conversational manner, just as you would to a potential customer or someone you meet at a party. You may never have given a speech before, but you certainly have a lot of practice answering these questions.
   

How do I write my speech?

1. Open with a bang.
   The first and last 30 seconds of your speech have the most impact, so give them extra thought and effort. If you haven't hooked your audience's interest, their minds are going to wander off. Whatever you do, don't waste any of your precious seconds with "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is a pleasure to be here tonight." Open with an intriguing or startling statement: "Half the people in this room are going to . . .," "As a young man, my father gave me this valuable advice...," "Of all the questions I am most frequently asked..."
   
2. Use humor cautiously.
   Opening a speech with a joke or funny story is the conventional wisdom, but nothing falls flatter than inappropriate humor. A friend who works at AT&T was convinced a joke was the only way to start a speech. He called me late one night, frantic to find the perfect joke for his boss to use the next day. I asked if his boss was funny. "No!" he answered emphatically. Then, I said, "you're going to make your boss look like an idiot in front of the troops." I suggested opening with an inspirational quote instead. We chose one, and the speech was a great success.
   
3. Develop strong supporting stories.
   If you're using the AA format, the middle of your talk is where you expand on your key points and develop personal stories that support where you were and where you are now. In the Q&A format, develop one or two strong anecdotes to support each answer. Personal anecdotes are best, but you can also insert some of the ideas and examples you've been gathering in your journal or computer.
   
4. Your close should be the high point of your speech. First, summarize the key elements of the investment process (or whatever your topic is). If you're planning to take questions from the audience, say, "Before my closing remarks, are there any questions." Answer them then. The last 30 seconds of your speech must send people out energized and fulfilled. Finish your talk with something inspirational that supports your theme. A scientist ,Mike, talked of the frustrations of being a scientist, and he closed by saying, "People often ask, Why should anyone want to be a scientist?" Then Mike told them about a particularly information-intensive medical conference he had attended. The final speaker rose and said, "I am a thirty-two-year-old wife and mother of two. I have AIDS. Please work fast."Mike got a standing ovation for his speech. He told his audience what they needed to know.
   

Polishing and Rehearsing for a Perfect Presentation (Public Speaking)

How do I polish it?
Once you assemble your notes and write a draft of your speech (or you may prefer to speak your ideas into a tape recorder), you still have more work to do before delivering your speech. Read your draft over to confirm that it is:

1. Interesting
   After every point you make, ask yourself, "Who cares?" If you imagine no one does, edit it out.
2. On track
   Did you go off on a tangent that doesn't relate to your main theme? Edit it out.
3. Concise
   Are you redundant, saying the same thing three ways? Are there cliches like "without further ado," "that's a tough act to follow," etc.? Edit out all nonessential words and phrases.
4. Effective
   Are your supporting examples strong and on target? If not, replace them.
5. Personal
   Does it have a high I/You Factor? Be sure you've connected yourself with your audience by putting them into your speech. If your subject is financial planning, for example a low I/You Factor would be: "I always pay myself first. Not the recommended 10%. I save 20% of my gross income." Your audience would probably be rolling their eyes and thinking, "Yeah, right..." But if, instead, you said, "We're all hurting in this economy. That's why saving money is more important than ever. Your goal is to get something -- anything! -- out of each check. Sometimes I can manage to squeeze out up to 10%, but I know that even 1% is essential if I'm going to maintain the habit of paying myself first. That 1% is the difference between winning and losing." You've put your audience in your speech. Instead of scoffing, they are more likely to identify with what you're saying.
6. Politically correct
   Being "PC" is sometimes overdone, but it is essential. Consider the opening of an address by cartoonist Gary Trudeau at Yale: "...Distinguished faculty, graduating seniors, people of color, colorful people, people of height, the vertically challenged, people of hair, the differently coiffed, the optically challenged, the temporarily sighted, the insightful, the out of sight, the homeless, the home boys..." Trudeau was poking fun at political correctness, but if you don't use inclusive language, you may offend and lose part of your audience. The safest (and politest) thing is to call people what they want to be called. Refer to adult females as women. Say "physically challenged" rather than "disabled." Whether you're talking about managing employees or selling cars, your stories need to reflect a balance of male and female. Remember that not all doctors are "he's", not all nurses are "she's." Ask the program chair if there are any terms and phrases you should avoid or include.

Vigorous polishing makes your talk tighter, more powerful, and less likely to bore or irritate your audience.

How do I rehearse?
You've edited and fine-tuned a written version of your talk. Now you're going to practice it. (You may think this is too much trouble, but you'll be glad you did.)

1. Read your talk out loud.
   Read your written talk into a tape recorder to get some idea of timing and emphasis. When you are happy with it, go on to step 2.
2. Prepare outline notes.
   Even though you've just gone to a great deal of trouble to prepare a written speech, you're NOT going to read it! Nothing puts an audience to sleep faster. Instead, you're going to speak directly and spontaneously to the audience, maintaining essential eye contact. The secret is to prepare easy-to-read notes. Write your key points on a pad or card that you'll keep on the lectern or table. Use a felt tip pen or a large typeface on your laser printer. As you speak, follow your road map with quick glances. An easy-to-read wristwatch or small clock on the lectern lets you keep track of the time so that you can speed up or slow down, cut or add material, and finish on time.
3. Tape your "impromptu" talk.
   Again, check for timing. As you play back your tape, notice repetitive phrases and nonwords such as "er" and "ah." Try again, minus these distracting irritants, until you are speaking smoothly and confidently.
4. Practice in front of an audience.
   Ask one or two perceptive people for their feedback. Make it clear that you want constructive criticism, not just praise. Did they understand the points you were making? Was there a lack of logic or continuity? Did they think you spoke too quickly or slowly? Use their feedback to polish your presentation.

Now you're nearly ready to do your talk. You have one more task. Am I done writing now? No. Write your own introduction and bring a printed copy to your talk. Even if you're speaking for free, you want the emcee to pronounce your name right, mention your company's name, and tell people how to get in touch with you. You want all attention on you, so you don't need an introducer who rambles on or tells tired jokes.
If you're not sure what to say about yourself, use your ré sumé as a guide, customized to fit your topic. If you've earned or been honored with impressive designations or awards, let the introducer say so. But don't include your job as a lifeguard in your intro unless it directly relates to your subject. Don't leave anything to chance. If you're working on a stage, explain to the introducer that you'll come on stage from the wings before he/she leaves the lectern. The introducer needs to get off the stage before the audience stops applauding.
This way, the audience looks at you instead of the emcee. You've taken center stage -- now take it away!

Delivering a stellar speech (Public Speaking)

The big day has come. You're ready to deliver your talk. But you need to do a few final things before facing your audience.

• Check in early. Arrive early so that you can check out the logistics of the room in which you'll be speaking. Where is the platform? Where will you be when you are introduced? How will you reach the lectern? Is the audience close enough to build intimacy? Is the light on you?
• Familiarize yourself with the microphone. Learn how to turn it off and on, and how to remove it from the stand. Practice talking into it and walking without tangling the cord around your feet.
• Understand your technical equipment. Whether it's an overhead projector, slide projector, or a VCR, make sure that the equipment is in working order and that you know how to use it. Inspect your slides, transparencies, or videotapes. Are they in the right sequence? Are they in good shape?
• Be ready to write. Do you have lots of appropriate writing materials for your easel or chalkboard, and extras of everything? Can you write some of your information beforehand to save time during your presentation?

It's time to look your audience in the eye and tell them all the exciting things you know they are eager to hear. If the butterflies in your stomach are taking some of the joy out of the occasion, here is what the professionals do.
Find a private place to warm up by relaxing your body and face. Stand on one leg and shake the other. When you put your foot back on the ground, it's going to feel lighter. Switch legs and shake again. It's a technique that actors use. Shake your hands fast. Hold them above your head, bending at the wrist and elbow, and lower them. This will make your hand movements more natural. Relax your face muscles by chewing in an highly exaggerated way. Do shoulder and neck rolls.
Give your speech. Remember that the audience is on your side. That's the good news. People are giving you their time, and they want you to be good. They'll stay on your side for about 30 seconds. You have about that much time to keep them on your side for the rest of your speech. How do you do that?

1. Look the part. First impressions are hard to overcome. Looking professional adds to your credibility and that of your business.
2. Act naturally. "What an actor has to do is be personal in public," said acting coach Lee Strasberg. Being on a stage makes you a larger than life, but you also need to be personal in public. That's what all those warm-up exercises are about -- to help you feel natural and act naturally.
3. Don't tell what you can show. I learned this from Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Norris learned it from his friend, the late Steve McQueen, who advised Norris, "Say the last word in the scene, and don't say anything you don't have to." Audiences don't go to hear what Norris or Van Damme say. They go to see what they do.
4. Choose your emphasis. Examine each word in your speech, looking for the emotion. Every word is not equally important. The audience will get your message based on the inflection and emphasis you place on key words and phrases.
5. Move about if you can. I urge you not to stand behind the lectern throughout your entire talk. It puts a barrier between you and the audience, and they feel it. However, if you feel more secure standing behind the lectern, never lean on it.
6. Vary your intensity. You're new to speaking, and you're not an actor, but you can add excitement to your talk just the same. When I saw myself on video at an communications seminar many years ago, I thought they were running the video on double time. The teacher said, "Your strength is your energy, but think of a symphony. It has a slow, quiet movement and then builds to a crescendo. The variety makes each element more effective." The enemy of the speaker is sameness. Stand, move, be serious and be funny, talk loudly, talk softly, don't speak in black and white. Speak in Technicolor!

No More Pre-Speech Jitters (Public speaking)

For some of you, being well-prepared and getting a good night's sleep are the keys to a successful presentation. For the rest of us, nerves take over regardless, and we step up to the podium with heart racing, palms sweating, and voice quivering.
In our search for ways to alleviate public-speaking fears, we checked in with speakers and speech consultants to get tips on relaxation techniques you can practice -- in the minutes, or even weeks -- before you take the stage. Here is their advice.

• Visualize yourself at your best. Star sports figures and Olympic athletes are coached to think of themselves in a peak performance state. Days or weeks before your presentation visualize yourself at your best, positively getting through the speaking engagement. Imagine yourself as resilient, see yourself as flexible, adaptable, and handling the presentation effectively even if things don't go as planned. Don't expect perfection, but do imagine yourself at your personal best.When you step up to the stage, take a moment to breathe, and create a safe place for yourself. Imagine a circle around you filled with white light and positive energy. Imagine radiating that positive energy.
• Repeat positive affirmations. When walking up to the stage, go slowly, breathe, and say positive affirmations to yourself. Use words that are calming or empowering like "easy and effortless," "I trust myself," and "calm and relaxed."
• Create a warm and friendly environment. Make connections with the audience through eye contact. If you can send out warm, inviting energy, most people will respond in a positive way. Remember the audience is there for you and they want you to succeed.
• Take a personal inventory. This is a stream-of-consciousness monologue that you do semi-audibly so that you can hear your own words but no one else can. The exercise trains you to stay in touch with your moment-to-moment feelings and alleviates tension.You start by asking yourself, "How do I feel?" and then answering yourself. Keep repeating the question and answering it. Do it for as briefly as two minutes or for as long as you comfortably can.While you do this exercise, things outside yourself will interrupt your monologue and distract you. Allow these distractions and include them in the monologue. For example, "How do I feel? I just cleared my throat, getting ready for this exercise. I feel obligated to do it. I'm taking a deep breath. How do I feel? My eyes are scanning the room; they feel scratchy, not enough sleep last night. How do I feel? I feel anxious, a bit tense in the chest and forehead. Maybe the shoulders, too. Yeah, tense in the shoulders. I hear a fly buzzing in the window, wonder how it got in there? How do I feel? I feel stuck. I don't know how I feel right now. Taking another deep breath. I feel my stomach is bloated, should lose some weight. Now I feel more in touch with how I feel. The excitement is coming up again. How do I feel?" etc.
• Practice deep breathing. Start by inhaling slowly through your nose -- and as you inhale your stomach should expand outward. As you exhale through your mouth, your stomach flattens out. Start to breathe this way while you're waiting to speak -- that time is crucial to most speakers. Practice it standing up. Take a nice, deep, diaphragmatic inhale. When you begin to exhale, you start to talk -- out loud, or to yourself -- "one by one" "two by two" "three by three."
• Try virtual reality therapy. You put on a special headset that projects what you see standing in front of a virtual auditorium. The auditorium gradually fills with virtual people. You hear the crowd noise -- including laughter and applause -- during your speech. You practice diaphragmatic breathing, checking in with yourself, listening to what you are saying to yourself, and how you handle interruptions. Virtual reality isn't in wide use but it's one of several tools that The Speech Improvement Company may use, depending on the individual and degree of fear of speaking.

Resources on the web (Public Speaking)

Best of the Net
If imagining your audience naked doesn't ease your fears about public speaking, these sites might .

Sometimes even a corporate energizer needs recharging. Each year motivational speaker Joyce Weiss delivers 50 to 75 speeches to businesses -- everything from keynote addresses at national conferences to pep talks at the workshops she runs. On any given day she might speak in front of organizations ranging from the U.S. Department of Defense to a farm bureau in Iowa. It's no surprise that after months on the road she sometimes finds herself all talked out.

How does she get her juices flowing again? Recently, Weiss discovered a Web site that inspired her: the Allyn & Bacon Public Speaking site, www.abacon.com/pubspeak. "This site is a jump start for me, like a double shot of caffeine," she says. At the site she can listen to presidents and other figures from history -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy, for example, or Martin Luther King Jr. -- deliver speeches on audio. Their words, she says, not only enliven her but also help jog her memory about speeches she's given during the past 15 years.

If you too need a nudge to get moving on that daunting speech -- and who doesn't? -- take a look at the Web sites on public speaking that we've rounded up. We filtered out marketing destinations for coaches and other hard-sell sites that want you to join an organization or shell out cash for books and tapes. In the end we found a handful of useful entries offering words of wisdom on topics like creating Microsoft PowerPoint presentations, using humor in speeches, and researching topics. Then we enlisted three company leaders with excellent speaking credentials to take the sites for a spin. They looked at content and tested interactive features such as audio clips and software downloads.

In general our reviewers concluded that the selected sites won't put Toastmasters out of business anytime soon. That's because public speaking is the kind of thing that you learn by watching and doing; you become a facile talker by, well, talking. Still, the sites can be valuable as an adjunct to actual experience. "Most of the sites do the same thing as books and tapes," says Weiss. "They are fast and loaded with information." And best of all, they're free.
Going into the reviewing process, Bill Imada was skeptical that he'd gain anything from visiting a Web site dedicated to the topic of public speaking. As president and CEO of Imada Wong Communications Group, Imada speaks frequently about ethnic marketing. But after perusing the sites, he changed his mind. He was particularly impressed with www.public-speaking.org's reference section on organizations offering support to speakers, as well as its glossary of terms to enhance a speech. "Overall the sites are very good to excellent," he says. But, he notes, "nothing can replace the education you will receive by sitting in on a live speech."

Financial adviser Bruce Helmer agrees. As the host of a weekly radio call-in show, he's of the practice-makes-perfect mind-set. "The forcing of one to speak will always be the best avenue," he says. Still, he also sees a role for the sites, particularly as a way to begin the learning process.

Advanced Public Speaking Institute (www.public-speaking.org) What it's good for: A college student or someone who needs a quick fix at the last minute just before a speaking engagement. The information on the site is broken into 20 categories, making it easy to navigate, and the site offers more than 100 short articles on topics as varied as delivering a punch line and dressing for a TV appearance.

Don't waste your time if: You want in-depth information. The value of this site is in its simple tips and easy-to-find content.

What our CEOs had to say: "Quick and easy to use. The glossary lists most of the important things that all speakers should know." "Excellent content."

What you should know: The site's glossary can give you a whole new vocabulary, with words like flop sweat (fear of performing) and blue humor (risquÉ humor).

PowerPointers (www.powerpointers.com) What it's good for: Salespeople or meeting planners who need to lead a discussion group or run a meeting. Of particular interest is a new section called "Communications in Your Specialty," which provides such information as how to deliver speeches in various venues, the value of asking questions, sales and negotiation tactics, and ways to enhance a direct-mail or telemarketing program.

Don't waste your time if: You're a professional speaker. One reviewer found the content good for salespeople but not advanced enough for the expert.

What our CEOs had to say: "Useful for people who are using visual aids such as PowerPoint." "Appealing, simple, and functional" but "somewhat industrial looking." "OK on sales topics [but] does not contain that much information on speech development." One tester pointed out that the author list includes renowned experts like Marjorie Brody and Zig Ziglar, plus contact information if you want to follow up with anyone.

What you should know: Don't assume that you'll find information only about PowerPoint presentations. The site has a broad range of articles on topics ranging from how to conquer the fear of public speaking to how to moderate a panel.

Presenters University (www.presentersuniversity.com) What it's good for: Beginners. The "courses" are divided into three parts -- content, delivery, and visual aids -- and include many articles on each subject. The site also links to downloads of some of the latest software and speaking aids, such as PowerPlugs products, which bring TV-style effects to presentations, and SmartSound, which enables you to create music sound tracks.
Don't waste your time if: You need anything more than cursory information.
What our CEOs had to say: "If you want to take advantage of some of the downloads, you have to give something back," said one, referring to personal information that vendors often request. Another tester found the site "functional yet weak on content."
What you should know: The site is sponsored by InFocus Corp., a manufacturer of digital projectors.

Allyn & Bacon Public Speaking Website (www.abacon.com/pubspeak) What it's good for: Beginners to professionals. The site provides basic steps on how to research a topic, with links to search tools, advocacy groups, publications, and legal and government sources. More-advanced speakers can use an interactive exercise to draw a psychographic profile of their intended audience.

Don't waste your time if: You lose patience easily. Finding information required work, one reviewer said.

What our CEOs had to say: "Good teaching site," commented one reviewer. Another tester said that the site provided good basic steps for beginners by breaking the speaking process into these categories: assess, analyze, research, organize, and deliver. "The interactive exercises, notes from the instructor, real audio, and resources make this one a winner," said that reviewer.
What you should know: Allyn & Bacon is a publisher of professional resources and college textbooks, which may be why some of the material is geared toward teachers of public speaking.

Improve your leadership communication skills.

Some tips :

• Watch your language. You may use metaphors to offer something your audience can relate to -- a common thought or feeling. But many leaders rely on battle metaphors or violent, divisive language such as "Let's conduct guerrilla warfare," or "obliterate the competition." These metaphors reinforce win-lose, self-interested behavior rather than collaboration. Even many sports metaphors have becomeempty clichés. Opt for clear, positive language and straightforward sincerity to foster shared understanding and earn the support of your group.
• Follow through. Failure to follow through on rhetoricaccounts for no small amount of the cynicism and weariness seen in today's workplace. If you make a promise, follow through with action, even if the action ends up being an explanation of why the promise can't be enacted. Also, don't contradict your rhetoric by, for example, talking about great customer service while treating fellow colleagues arrogantly or rudely.
• Deal with uncertainty. Don't be afraid to talk about failure, midcourse adjustments, or "bugs" that the organization must work through. Create the expectation that these will be a normal part of organizational life. You'll be telling the truth. Throughout a transition, clearly communicate the context of what it means and why decisions were made (goals, reasons, participants, estimated effects, costs, etc.).
• Be an active listener. Good listening is an art too few people have mastered. Concentrate on the speaker's message, and resist distractions. Keep an open mind to others' ideas. Don't tune out if you disagree. Indicate you understand what the speaker said by reframing key points: "Let me be sure I understand correctly. You're saying?"
• Manage conflict. Identify and involve major stakeholders. Hold one-on-one or very small group discussions early to vent anger. Make sure that everyone knows in advance why meetings are called. Set ground rules that create an "attack-free," safe haven for dialogue. Use nonjudgmental, noninflammatory language like "I perceive?" or "It seems to me?" Reiterate that personal attacks and blame aren't constructive. Identify and reiterate common ground or common goals; focus on areas of agreement. Don't force a resolution; it's OK to agree to disagree.
• Respond, don't "re-act." We often "re-act" to others based on something that happened to us before. Responding mindfully rather than re-acting emotionally requires self-knowledge and discipline, but it allows us to be more effective in our communication. As a leader, you're a role model - you set the tone for what's appropriate in the organization. Reflect on your hot buttons, and identify a "keep calm" strategy for when they get pushed.
• Give feedback. Many of us soften feedback - at the expense of clarity - to avoid confrontation. Provide specific examples that illustrate your critique. For example, instead of "Your attitude is bad" or "That just didn't work," say, "When you miss deadlines, then cross your arms and look away when I talk with you, it gives me the impression you don't care about the quality of your work. Can you help me understand this differently?" Don't forget positive feedback; studies show that a high percentage of employees rarely receive positive feedbackfrom their manager.
• Invite participation. Hold meetings that include employees from different areas, and encourage everyone to contribute. Ask employees to send you e-mail regarding their ideas for doing things more effectively, and respond to all queries. Have a "graffiti wall" where employees and leaders can exchange concerns and ideas. This will provide the group with different perspectives of the issues discussed and help ensure the top-down/bottom-up information flow.
• Keep your team up-to-date. Let employees know how their efforts compare to their performance goals and how they are supporting the total picture. Be honest; communicate bad news as well as good news.
• Connect personally with employees. Since someemployees may not have frequent contact with you, create opportunities to do so. Sincere face-to-face interaction is key; it gives more weight to telephone, e-mail, or print communications between meetings.
• Take advantage of communication resources. Studies show that the most successful entrepreneurs and leaders know their limitations and seek outside counsel and resources.

Reference : http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/03/18145.html

Some basic tips for effective communication :

• Don't take another person's reaction or anger personally, even if they lash out at you in what seems a personal manner. Another person's mood or response is more likely about fear or frustration than it is about you as an individual. Take a deep breath and count to 10, and see it as a way of letting the other person vent before he is able to communicate what's really on his mind.
• You don't have to have all the answers. It's OK to say, "I don't know." If you want to find out, say so, then follow up to share your findings. Or you may decide to work on the problem together to find the answer.
• Respond (facts and feelings); don't react (feelings) -- e.g., "Tell me more about your concern" or "I understand your frustration" instead of "Hey, 'm just doing my job" or "It's not my job" (which is sure to cause more irritation). Share responsibility for any communication in which you're a participant, and realize that sometimes, maybe often, your own personal reactions may be causing your frustrations about communicating with others.
• Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them. It's strange how many people complain about others not hearing them, yet they don't listen to others either! You can show that you're listening by giving someone your complete attention and saying things like:
  "Tell me more about your concern."
  "What is it about XXX that concerns you?"
  "I'm interested in what you've just said. Can you share a little bit about what lead
  you to that belief?"
  "What would have to happen for you to be more comfortable with XXX?"
• Remember that what someone says and what we hear can be amazingly different! Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Repeat back or summarize to ensure that you understand. Restate what you think you heard and ask, "Have I understood you correctly?" If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX; is that what you meant?"
• Acknowledge inconvenience or frustration and offer a timeline, particularly if you need someone else's cooperation or your activities will affect them. For example, if you'll be updating someone's desktop computer system and need access to her office, you might say, "I know it's frustrating to have someone in your space at a time that might not be convenient for you, and I appreciate your cooperation. It'll help us to keep your system working well. We expect to be in your office at about 3 p.m., and out by 5 p.m."li>Don't offer advice unless asked. This can be tough, particularly if we have experience that we think might benefit another person. Use respectful expressions such as "One potential option is..." or "One thing that helped me in a similar situation was X. I'd be happy to share more about my experience if you think it'd be helpful to you" instead of "You should do X."
• Look for common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. What might you both be interested in (e.g., making the experience as nondisruptive as possible)? One way to begin discovering commonality is to share your underlying intention -- for example, "My intention in sharing this is to help you succeed on this project."
• Remember that change is stressful for most people, particularly if your activities affect them in a way that they aren't scheduling or controlling. Our routines can be comforting in the midst of what appears to be a chaotic world. So if you're in someone's space or need him to do something on your timeline, provide as much information as you can about what you'll need from the person and when. If you can, tell him how what you're doing will benefit him.
• Work to keep a positive mental focus. One of the choices we always have is how we see or experience any given circumstance. Many people who are considered skillful and successful, including professional athletes and cultural leaders, work to maintain a positive mind-set. Ask yourself, "What's great about this?" or "What can I learn from this?" to help maintain a positive state. Don't forget to adopt a variety of stress reduction practices that work best for you.
• Understand that most people, including you, have a unique, often self-serving, agenda. This isn't necessarily bad, because it helps us achieve and protect ourselves. Just don't assume that someone will know or share your agenda, so talking about what's most important to you and asking what's most important to others, can help build a solid foundation for conversation.
• Improve your listening skill. Most people think they listen well, but the truth is that most of people don't listen at all -- they just speak and then think about what they're going to say next. Good listening often means asking good questions and clearing your mind of distractions, including what you're going to say next, whom you're meeting with next, or what's going on outside. When someone makes prickly comments or complaints, there's often a concern or fear lurking. Like a detective, ask questions that get to the bottom of someone's real concern or agenda. Only then can you have a truly rich, beneficial conversation.

Reference : http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html